Your first fling: a guide to first-time hookups

A fling is meant to be fun, with no pretending you want more than you do. If you've never done casual before, here's how it goes, from the first message to the morning after.

Say what you're after, early

Be upfront that you're looking for something casual, on your profile and early in the chat. Single Lesbians is a site for no-strings fun, so there's no need to dress it up, and saying it plainly saves crossed wires later.

Keep the chat on the site until you meet

Chatting on Single Lesbians keeps your details private until you choose to share them. Other members see your username, never your real name or email, and your profile gives your town, never your address. If someone pushes to move to WhatsApp or another app, the site flags it with a warning: hurrying you off the site is a common trick scammers use. There's more on this in our guide to keeping it discreet.

Check she's real before you meet

A verification badge on her profile is the quickest sign she is who she says she is. Members can verify with ID for free, or by a quick video call with one of the site's moderators, no documents needed, and everyone has a reputation score built from how they behave and the feedback they get. If she isn't verified yet, it's fair to ask her to be before you meet.

Make the first meeting a drink somewhere public

Meet for a first drink somewhere public, and decide there whether you want to take things further. Tell a friend where you're going and who you're meeting, and keep your address to yourself until you're sure. If the spark isn't there, finish your drink and head home – you don't owe anyone an explanation.

Talk about what you both want before things heat up

Agree what you're both up for, and anything that's off the table, before clothes come off. It needn't be a big conversation: a few words over that drink, or a message beforehand, is enough. And either of you can change your mind at any point, even halfway through. Saying stop, or slow down, is always allowed, and so is hearing it.

Bring your own protection

Pack your own safer-sex kit rather than counting on her to have one. Dental dams and gloves are simple barriers for oral and hands-on play, and toys should be washed before and after, and never passed between you without a clean in between.

Afterwards: there's no script

What happens next is up to the two of you: a fling can be one night or a few, as long as you're both enjoying it. If you'd like to see her again, say so; if not, a kind message is plenty. And if anything didn't sit right, you can block her straight away, which stops her contacting you or seeing your profile, and report her from inside the site, where real people on the support team are there around the clock.